Meh.

I didn't post this week yet because things have been hectic. Sunday I did go shopping with Mommy and JJ and we bought hair bleach and interesting hair colors to go with it. Like purple and red. It was fun.
Monday I had a date with Jkitty, and I think Mondays will be our thing. I hope so. My mind has been out of sync lately. She seems to want all of me right now! I can't do that. I have trust issues. Since I have bipolar disorder, I must confess. Every single time Jkitty has seen, emailed, or talked to me, I have been on a "high". I'm just now switching to one of my "low" periods, and it was right after I told her I loved her. Fuck. I just hope this doesn't ruin everything. As a warning, the next week to month time period will consist of my emotions dipping to irritability, anger, pulling away from those I care about, angst, anxiety, silence, reservation, sadness, apathy, and possibly suicidal tendencies. I take medication for this, but it only helps take the edge off.

My mind is strong. My will is extremely powerful. But I cannot overcome my lows every time they happen.

Tuesday I crashed mostly. Went to KFC, finally watched Twilight and New Moon with Kibbin.

Today I woke up around 9:30, a very rare occurrence in the life of the Kitty. When I wake up before noon, I get nauseous. Then a sharp pain hits my stomach. If I wait 15-20 minutes, it goes away. I can't eat or drink anything though, if I do it gets worse and doesn't go away until evening.

Chubs found a home with A. She is Dinah's human.

Kind of feeling alone and sad and angry. And there is nothing anyone can do to change it.

Kitty, party of 3? Anyone? No? Okay, how bout Kitty, party of 30?

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Bad Moods

Kibbin was in a bad mood all day today. Normally he is easy-going and I can coerce him into doing pretty much anything. Today he was a total dick to me. I asked him to help me clean, and he flat-out cold cocked me verbally. Just now as I was typing, I covered the screen and he raised his voice at me and said he didn't care what I was writing. I hide it very well, but it is a BIG deal when he raises his voice. He hardly ever does, so it means he's really pissed off. Part of me jumps at the chance to fight with him because he's so laid back we argue once in a blue moon, but mostly I withdraw into myself and cry inside. I'm very fragile when it comes to him.
I don't like that husband. I like the sweet loving man I married. I mean I told him to grow a backbone, but not to me!

I talked with Jkitty for a long time on the phone. I think it's funny how the more she tells me, the more she thinks I will run. I'm not going to run. I even got to say hi to K. ^-^

I cleaned up my room again but there is a huge pile of clean laundry next to the bed. Cleaned the litter box, vacuumed, and sprayed fabric disinfectant on the carpets, chairs, and the bed.

Dates

I didn't start this blog until after my first date with Jkitty. It is my intention not to write about the past as much as I can help it, unless it's necessary to the idea I"m trying to explain.

However!

We had our second date yesterday. I woke up around 7 in the morning and couldn't sleep anymore because I was so excited (and the kittens were wrestling on my feet.) I primped and then I waited. When Kibbin came home from work I warned him that he would need to make himself scarce. He is kind of weirded out by how secretive Jkitty is around him. He wants to be friends and can't understand why she won't be open with him. I understand, though.

I must admit the idea of me being poly is kind of odd. A good odd, though. I like girls.

When she finally arrived I was so happy to see her I got shy. I seem to do that a lot around her. We went up to my room, which was a little too intimate for me because I equate the bedroom with being naked, sleeping, and sex. None of which I was planning on doing with her that day.

So after kissing a little and almost going further, I caught myself and suggested we go downstairs. We made a rice dinner with cucumbers, and then we talked about some pretty deep things. She was so brave to tell me all she did. Every time I see her, I get a new feeling. This time it was a fierce desire to protect her, kind of like a mother wildcat with her kit. As long as I can do something about it, I will make sure she is safe. It's so strange, I feel like I would take a bullet for her.

After that some things caught up with her and I had a worried moment. That is unpleasant.

Then we cuddled a little on the couch and tried to watch a movie. I liked the way she fit snugly in to my body.

It was hard to say goodbye that night.

The smell of hot rain.

Don't you just love that feeling? You're outside; it's warm, muggy, and raining. Lightning flashes, a few seconds later that comforting and exciting rumble graces your ears. Then when you go inside, you realize that the air conditioner has made it cooler than outside, yet dryer. The rain on your bare skin makes the hair on your arms and neck prick up and tingles flash across every bit of you that was touched by the suddenly cold water. I love that feeling.

Haven't heard from Jkitty in some time. Hope all is okay.
Talked to Dad, Kibbin and I are going over to my parents' house for dinner tonight. Going to make my famous zuchinni dish.

Twitch. Twitch.

Okay, so I've been having a bit of marital troubles with Kibbin. From what I gather, he is too immature. He's like a child in the way that he wants what he wants NOW. He doesn't realize that quickies don't do it for me anymore. Sex should take more than 10 minutes! And whatever he wants, he gets. Even if it means spending my money on something he doesn't need. Like a burrito. When we have nice free dinners at home. But we'll get through it. We always do.

Today I've been trying to prepare for Monday. I have a date with Jkitty, and I'm nervous like I'm back in High School. What does she like to eat? What kind of games does she like? How can I possibly go another day with her without succumbing to my intense attraction to her? Do I need to clean my room? All that stuff.

I forgot to mention that Ravin is 26, and hates my body. If she were in charge I would have long wavy/kinky black hair and be about 120 lbs.

I need to sleep. I have to work tomorrow.

Introduction

This blog shall be information to any and all that want or need it. I shall use initials or nicknames when referring to anyone other than myself in this blog, unless I have their permission. Along with posts about my every day life, there will be extra posts about my history, who I am, dreams, etc.

I credit Jkitty for giving me the idea about a blog again. I had one once, but stopped posting in it by 2004. She has one, and I felt guilty because I can see everything she thinks, and she can't see my thoughts. So it is kind of for her, and kind of for Kibbin, my husband. Mostly for me though. I is a selfish kitty.