Turkey Tales

Tale of the Terrible Turkey

 

 



I have the fortune to work at a sister store of LargeButt, hence to be known as Faterine's clothing store. I honestly like my work - customers are usually polite and happy, my Angel of a boss says I remind her of herself when she was my age, and my other coworkers are professional and friendly.

Well, I wouldn't be writing if all was peachy. They say beauty is on the inside, but this one coworker of mine is ugly inside and out. Imagine, if you will, a 50-something lady with bleach blonde hair piled on top of her head, boobs the size of basketballs down below her elbows. A hooked nose, huge double chin and long yellow teeth - along with skinny legs - gives the overall impression of a giant chicken. I wouldn't care about any of this if she were a decent person. She has a piss-poor attitude. She is lazy, inconsiderate, and thinks everyone is out to get her. Not to mention backstabbing and bossy. Yet she hasn't done anything majorly screwed up enough to get fired yet. We'll call her Turkey, what with the holidays looming.

Anyway, I had a true night from hell last week, and it was only a 4 hour shift!

It started out very busy. I walked in the door and there was a line. This is unusual, as the one person on register can normally process a purchase fairly quickly and we don't normally have more than 5-10 customers in the store at once. I didn't even have time to put my jacket in back, and just tossed it on the back counter while I punched in early. Turkey was stuck on a return and having trouble processing it. She was hired on as a shift lead a year ago (same day I was hired), and as such should know how to do a simple return. I was on my last week of training before becoming an SL myself, so I helped her out and we took care of the line.

Not five minutes after I arrive, Turkey says "I'm going on break!" and happy walks in the back room.

We still have 11 customers in the store, so taking a break should be last on your mind. Company policy says that you get a 15 minute paid break if you work more than 5 hours, and if there is nothing urgent that needs to be done. I shrugged it off to her usual laziness and cleaned up. We were given a list of things to do that night, and we were supposed to split them 50-50. I figured she wouldn't do her part, so I left one single thing for her to do. I cleared the fitting rooms, straightened the tables, helped customers, waxed the fixtures, and wiped down the counters.

A whole HOUR goes by with her in back. I call her out to help ring up customers and she gives me a dirty look. I was in the middle of dusting and watching a potential shoplifter. She stomps up the register, rings up the customer, and heads back to the break room.

Turkey: "I'll be out in 10 minutes."

Me: "Whoa, your break ended like, 45 minutes ago. I got most of the list done, I just have to finish dusting, then you can vacuum."

Turkey: "Excuse me?! I would have thought you'd be done by now!"

I just rolled my eyes and smiled.

Later that same night, we were both on register. Our clothes have magnetic alarm sensors to prevent shoplifting. They have a small, needle-like component and a large oblong piece that attaches on either side of the cloth. When we take them off, the two pieces come apart and are tossed in to seperate bins to avoid accidental injury. Well, Turkey was throwing both parts into the bin for the safe oblong pieces. I didn't notice and when I went to grab a handful, I was stabbed pretty badly in my palm. To this day I don't know why Turkey was in such a horrid mood. She was bitchy for no good reason that I can see.

Me: "Um, hey Turkey, would you mind aiming about 3 inches to your left when you throw the sensors?"

Turkey: "I REALLY don't think that's important, LUNA."

So I showed her my bleeding hand, and said "Well, it's important to me. I just got stabbed. So... please?"

Turkey: "Well I guess if it's really all that important to you, I GUESS I can make the effort."

Gee thanks, your bloody Highness... I'm so glad you can get over the inconvenience of turning your wrist slightly when you toss sensors away. How can I ever repay that selfless kindness?

Her poor attitude continued. Every chance she got to make my job harder, she took. We had no major incident until 10 minutes to closing. The store had settled down with only the occasional customer. The vacuuming still hasn't been done, so I bring it up and ask if she'll do it. She complains that her back is sore and asks me. I'm almost at my breaking point by then, but I smile and agree.

I'm up front vacuuming. The last customer is being rung up with a decent sized purchase. Suddenly I hear "LUUUUUNAAAAA, I NEED YOU UP HERE!"

So I turn off the vacuum and walk all the way from the front of the store to the back, where the register is.

Me: "What do you need?"

Turkey: "Oh, can you bag these clothes for me? I'm busy ringing her up."

Bear in mind, bagging a customer's items is part of the fucking job. It consists of shaking out a bag, picking up an item, and dropping said item into the damn bag. She called me all the way back here to stuff some jeans into a platic bag? Something she has done thousands of times with no trouble?

I swallow my building rage. I can play her game.

Me: "I really think you can handle that yourself. I was busy doing your single task for the evening, so IF you don't mind.."

I turned and walked back to the vacuum. Sadly, this was not the end of my night. I was in for a terrible, smelly surprise.


I left off at store closing. I had finished vacuuming, locked the door and approached the register. Associates are supposed to watch the shift leads count down the registers, otherwise I wouldn't have gone anywhere near Turkey. Cue shitstorm!

Turkey: "What the fuck were you doing?!"

Me: "Excuse me?"

Turkey: "Why did it take you so long to do your chores tonight? What, are you stupid or something?"

You could hear my patience snap. Since we were alone and almost done for the evening, my cheery and professional demeanor vanished. I had had enough.

 

 

Me: "Well maybe if you hadn't been sitting on your ASS all night and helped me a little, we would have gotten done faster!"

Turkey purses her lips to look like an anus - a sure sign she's angry with me.

Turkey: "That's a DAMN LIE! DO YOU KNOW WHAT GOD DOES TO LITTLE LYING BITCHES LIKE YOU?!"

She had used this line on a Jewish coworker who is very supersticious. She made the poor girl cry the week before after telling her she'd go to hell for lying. I responded that her trick might have scared me if I believed in God. She sputtered a little and then went off on a tyrade on how I was a bad person and was going to hell. Swearing, face going red, the whole thing. I let her do this for about 5 minutes before asking her politely to start counting down the drawer so we can punch out and go home. Turkey ignores me and continues her bitchfit. I see that we're late. I'm tired and frustrated, and totally done with her. So I slam my hand on the counter and shock her into momentary silence.

Me: "TURKEY! Shut up and do your FUCKING job. If you want to discuss your behavior tonight we can do it outside."

She's quiet for 15 seconds while she's counting down the drawer. Then she pipes up again, calls me a bitch some more, and says she'll talk to the boss because I swore at her.

Me: "You really think Angel will buy your story after I tell her what you did tonight?"

Turkey: "Oh... well..."

Blessed silence, until we're punching out.

Turkey: "You know I wouldn't fight with you like this if I didn't like you, right? I can tease you because you're my friend. We don't have to tell Angel, it was just friends teasing each other."

 

 

Me: "What?" I'm completely thrown off.

Turkey: "Yeah girl, we're friends! Haha, we should go out drinking some night. Get our dance on."

Me: "Um, no thanks."

Turkey: "Oh come on, I bet we'd get tons of guys. Besides, I get a little frisky when I'm drunk. Who knows, maybe we'd go home with the same guy! Hahaha!"

I just stare at her until we leave. Then the worst possible thing that could ever happen, happens. My Kibbin and two of his friends came to pick me up and witnessed this.

Turkey: "Haha, you know I love you, Luna!"

 

 

Then she hugs me. She pulled me into a fucking hug. I almost gagged at the smell. She stinks like an infected, unwashed crotch bathed in Paris Hilton perfume. Then she notices the car with the boys in it. Before I can shove her away she kisses me. Kisses me. On the cheek. I'm too stunned to react.

Turkey: "Oh-ho! I hope the boys don't think we're having an office romance! Tee-hee!"

Me: "I..."

I sprinted for the car, otherwise I would have thrown up AND punched her in the face. I got the car and my Kibbin's friends immediately start laughing.

Guy: "What was THAT?"

Me: "When we get home remind me to bleach this side of my face."

And that was that. I reparted it to management, but she hasn't been fired yet. I am waiting for her to dig her own grave. With me as shift lead, her hours will get cut and maybe Angel will see what a horrible, horrible person Turkey is.



Ashes, Ashes, we all fall down.

Is there anybody... out there?

 

 

Let's continue on my line of ever deepening internal turmoil. Shall we? It's been 8 months now since my mother passed. Pippin, dear heart, passed away on the 13th of January.

 

I got my sister a kitten in August. She named him Nigel. He's a cute orange and white marshmallow fluff of a kitten. He cost 200 dollars but since she's still exclaiming her happiness to the world, it was well worth it.

 

Instead of bettering myself, focusing on school, work, my relationships, family, friends, or any other productive activity, I've been dealing with my grief by burying it and playing video games to numb my mind. If Kibbin weren't so vehemently against drugs and alcohol I would be using all of them, I'm sure.

 

I've also been having issues with body image, more so than usual. I work at a plus-sized clothing shop for women. I'm on the small side of that scale. 1-2x. When I started working there I was easily a 2, but in the last few months I've dropped from a 26 to a 22 in pants, and a 22 to an 18 in tops. I should be happy, but I'm at the point where it's not enough.

 

 

Some days I look at myself and I'm surprised how good I look. Then later in the day I'll catch myself in a mirror and almost cry at the horribly fat and ugly monster I see reflected at me. I try to reassure myself: "At least you're not a 5x!" "You're losing weight, just keep it up."

 

But it never works. I go home and stress. Then when no one is looking I eat something that makes me feel better and worse at the same time. I'm on the Sensa diet now, but I don't think it's working. The idea behind it is the crystals you sprinkle on your food enhance the flavors you eat. It tricks your body into thinking that you ate more than you did, so you feel satisfied quicker. This is a wonderful premise and if I were in my normal state of mind it would work. But now I'm eating just for the comfort of having food pass my lips and the satisfying feeling of chewing and swallowing. I do it even when I'm not hungry, even when I'm full. So that diet plan fails. It's a struggle to eat right when the only thing the food shelf gives you is carbs and boxed dinners that don't expire until who knows when.

 

I owe 25,000 dollars to the government for my student loans. Even with deferment I will still owe them in a year. Then what? Income-based payments? Well I am not making enough to pay my bills at the moment, much less any extra money. Wage garnishments if I just refuse to pay? Well then I'll never get my own place.

 

I'm so done. I'm on the edge of giving up every day. Every day it's another bill, another notice of repayment. I miss my Mom every single fucking day. If she were here and healthy she would know what to do.

 

Dad is no help anymore. I think he just gave up, too. He's dating this redneck bitch that is drunk every day and is a horrible influence on him. My sister hates her too. How could my father, the man I saw as part hero, part scare story, fall this low? Is he that desperate for female companionship that he would take a woman that lost her children, didn't ever want to be a mother, is selfish, dumb, uneducated, and has no will to better herself? It blows my mind.

 

 

Well, on the plus side, my boss offered me a small promotion.

 

I just give up. Today. Tomorrow will be a brand new chance

For unexpected pleasures and bitter disappointments.

C'est la vie.



I'm a horrible person

So did it ever occur to you that winter is a season of death? My mother died. January 2nd.

In 2007, Kibbin's mother died on December 3rd. In 2009, his grandfather died December 9th. Great poets and writers all across the world have seen winter as the death of the world. I'd like to know if actual human casualties rise in winter months.

I put away my deep sensitive soul. It's not gone, it's just in a box in a dusty corner of my heart. Like your favorite piece of jewelry you have to stop wearing once you stop clubbing and dancing and bar-hopping and have to start working in a cubicle and attend business meetings.

Is this how all humans die? Are there only a few live people out there? Or am I utterly alone with this madness that is slowly washing over me, like a tide at midnight.

March Madness

I haven't posted in a while. A long while, it seems. I have terrible writer's block as of late. My creativity is laying dormant. I fear I'm becoming one of "those" people, the kind that let their souls slip away into the seas of mediocrity. I just do what I have to, to survive. But it's killing my spirit.
I hate my depression medications. They're the best I can get. They don't make me feel like a zombie, like all the others I've tried, yet they pull a veil over my emotions.
The best way I can describe them is like water wings. I can't drown, or sink, but I can't go deep, or even put my head under water. I have to stay in the shallow end. I have to be shallow. I don't care about the deeper planes of existence, and I can't seem to focus on what really matters. In short, they put me on the same level as the majority of humanity. ICKY.

My I.Q. is at any point in time somewhere between 154 and 163, according to federal tests. I should be pulling top grades, while figuring out solutions to the world's problems and talking to animals. But I'm not. Instead I'm playing mindless games, watching TV, surfing the Internet, and reading Cosmo, all the while screaming inside. I despise what I have become. If someone were to describe me to myself, I'd never want to know me.

I feel like I'm splitting in half, ripping in two. It's like watching yourself go about every day life, only the real you is under water. I know why geniuses turn to drugs. It's to drown out all the noise and intensity of life. Some people just can't handle it.

On another note entirely, I have spring fever. Just today I started germinating 10 different kinds of seeds. It's early, but I want a jump start. Hopefully my Dad will come over this spring to help me actually take care of the Garden.

Peace, Love, and Kittens.

To the death? NO! To the pain.

I started cutting myself again. I can't help it. Kibbin told me a week or two ago that he pays the most attention to whomever he "senses" needs it most. Well he's kind of oblivious to my distress, or his friends are FUCKED UP.
Have you ever just screamed as loud as you possibly could? Really, without holding anything back? The kind of scream of total anguish that could easily destroy your vocal chords? I feel that scream welling up inside like blood welling up in an open wound.

I don't want to seem needy, or whiny, so Kibbin will never know. I was even crying from sadness right in front of him, and he didn't notice for five hours. Five!

I'm not going to kill myself. I'm too smart for that. =D

It just hurts.

Oreo

Oreo died three weeks ago. Just before Halloween.

I wasn't ready to talk about it until just now.


I let her out at 4:30. When I let her back in around 7, she was foaming at the mouth. I tried feeding her and cleaning her up. At 10 we rushed her to the emergency vet clinic. They said she had eaten something out there that was poisoning her. Kibbin made the decision to put her to sleep. We were there for two hours, talking about it and crying.

She was 16. She died in my arms. As they gave her the injection, she nuzzled in to my chest and I told her I loved her. Then she went limp. She closed her eyes, but her tongue was stuck out just a little.

Fucking vet bill was $345. Not only did they kill my kitty, they took my Christmas money. Bastards.

I still think I see her sometimes out of the corner of my eye. I kind of think she did it on purpose, that she was ready to go so she ate something she knew would do this to her. I miss her so much. I didn't think I would miss her like I do, but it's still hard to think about. I also think it was my fault. If I didn't let her outside, she maybe wouldn't have...

I hope cats go to heaven.

Independance

What do you call a multitude of rabbits doing the waltz?
Abundance. (A-Bun-Dance)


I need to stop letting Kibbin run my life. I am not, nor will I ever be, a slave. I am my own woman. Free as a falcon circling the world.

I never should have left Jkitty. I feel so.. drawn to her. It's like I have what I think she needs, I can give that to her, and I want to be there with her. Buuuuuut.... there's my husband. I made a promise to be bonded to him first and foremost. If I had only met Jkitty a DAY before I got married.

I spent the night at my parent's house on Saturday. Mum has cancer, and she isn't handling the chemotherapy well. She's sleeping 20 hours a day, or mostly dozing. The strange part is she talks in her sleep. And we can't tell whether she's dream-talking or just talking in a tired voice. If we ignore it and she's really speaking, she starts to cry and ask why we're being so cruel. That breaks my heart. But if we respond and she's really asleep, she wakes up and looks around dazed asking "What?" for 15-20 seconds until she falls asleep again. This is really hard for me, and I don't even live there anymore.

Daddy's taking it hard too. Can you imagine watching your partner, your lover, your better half slowly die in front of you? The one person who is so close to you you can't imagine life without them? Wasting away, sick, barely remembering what year it is? So his way of coping is to get mad. He yells at nothing, bangs his fists on tables, and tiniest thing sets him off. He feels... powerless. Useless, and hopeless.

I find it hardest for my little sister. She has to deal with Mum, and Daddy. And she's just 14, the poor thing. She got a C in her health class, and Daddy grounded her for two weeks. I was praised for C's. She deals with Mum's cancer by being with her friends, and by talking. And he just takes that away. What is she supposed to do now? I swear that girl is gonna have a meltdown, and soon.

When Mum was sick the first time back is 2005, I dealt with it by self-mutilation, drugs, and humor. I cut myself with razorwire or broken glass. I tried to kill myself a few times. Had a stay in a mental hospital. I smoked weed, I drank, I even tryed some hallucinogenic drugs. Was never addicted, I just did it when things got too hard. When I wasn't doing that, I made jokes. I tried to lift everyone's spirits because we all knew she was going to get better at least.

Not this time. She has 3 to 5 years left. She might make it to 10, but they aren't optimistic. I cry at night when no one's awake. I still think about harming myself, making deals with God, or turning to drugs again to dull my soul. I can honestly say that I would sacrifice myself for my mother. Hell, I'd do it for a stranger.
Sometimes I think my life means nothing, and that I was meant to die for someone else. I'm not sad about it at all. I just think strange things.

If I smoked, I would be craving a cigar right now.

But as Freud said, sometimes a cigar is just a penis.
Well I might be paraphrasing. =D HA!

In all seriousness, I've been really down lately. Stupid depression. Last night I stayed up until 9:30 A.M. and woke up again at 1:00 P.M. but now it's 2 in the morning and I'm jittery and awake like I just drank a triple espresso. I'm in one of my manic phases it seems. Plus my right eye has been twitchy all day. Sign of a super villain?

I can't get Kibbin to understand that my depression is back. When we first started getting serious in our relationship, AKA moving in together, it vanished. And up until last May or so it was so under control I didn't need my medication. Then it came back, and now Kibbin doesn't believe me when I say I want therapy or feel like harming myself.

Had my first threesome the other night. My friend O came over for that exact purpose. She had been having a dry spell and it was an anniversary present for Kibbin. There is nothing between O and me, considering she is straight unless she's heavily intoxicated. Plus it was a one-time thing.

Truthfully, that scene made me more depressed. I felt unwanted. I still do because Kibbin hasn't spent a day alone with me since two weeks ago, and even that was a day when we both worked separate shifts. He keeps bringing friends over who stay for two or three days. No sex, and the only time I'm alone with him is when we go to bed, and then he's too exhausted to say goodnight, let alone converse.

Did I mention that I actually told him all this? Does he do anything? Yes, he says he's sorry then goes back to playing his game called "Perfect World". Irony at its best.

Went to the food shelf today. Humbling experience.

I think I'm replacing Kibbin with cats. Poor Oreo is getting so old, she can hardly walk up and down the stairs to get to her litter box. It's past time we took her to the vet to see if we can ease her arthritis and kidney pains. It might even be time to prepare Kibbin to say goodbye to the cat he's had since he was only four.

Speaking of terrible sadness and death, Mommy got a wig. I wish I could have made it from my own hair. She always wanted it and even made jokes about it.

I'm SOOOO not prepared for her to die. I cried last night and really could have used some love, but Kibbin was sleeping and I didn't want to wake him.

Butterfly

Last weekend on my anniversary trip with Kibbin I had to drive down a rural highway to get to the apple orchard. On the way I hit 7 butterflies with my car. I didn't think it would impact me much, but I almost started crying after the second one. They are so innocent and beautiful, and the symbolism of running them down was almost too much to bear right then.

I saved a honeybee, too. It decided to land on the bag of apples I was carrying, and normally my instinct is to scream bloody murder and either chuck the bag away or plead with Kibbin to kill the offending insect. This time, though, I remembered that honeybees are dying from an unknown disease and that they rarely sting due to the lethality. So I actually offered it my finger, it crawled on to my hand, and I let it off on an apple tree. A tender moment to cherish life, in my opinion.

I've been furious with my dear husband lately. It seemed he didn't want to spend time with me. However, we had a long conversation, my voice was raised and promptly lowered, a tear was shed, and finally we took a shower together and I forgave him. This happens a lot.

Yesterday and today I didn't want to get out of bed. So I didn't. This is the only perk of being employed part-time and taking your college courses online. The ONLY perk.

Lately I've felt like a female lion. The male only comes around for sex and to keep the other males away. Eh. Grawr.

Going Gaga

Kibbin and his friend C have been listening to Lady Gaga nonstop for the past week or so. It was fine at first, I enjoy her music. But after Day 3 or so of "Ale-ale-jandro" and "I want your love and I want your revenge" and don't for get "p-p-pokerrr face" I want to strangle the life out of her. I can't get the tunes out of my head.

Things got weird with Jkitty. She wanted me to text her when I was ready and I did, but then she was not herself with me. I read her blog and I understand why, but still. It kinda hurt, and I wasn't expecting that.

Had a pregnancy scare. I haven't had my period since July, so I took the little pee test. Negative, thank GAWD. I couldn't handle being pregnant. I have a friend in Alaska who would take the baby if I wanted to give it up for adoption, though. Honestly, I think it's all the stress fucking with my body.

I'm having some relationship problems with Kibbin. Even though this blog is personal, I'm not comfortable discussing those issues without his permission.

It was our One Year anniversary on the 12th. I tried to make him happy by buying him a bunch of lottery tickets. Still have yet to receive a present from him. That makes me sad.

Luna spent the day with A and her mother and brother. Dinah got fixed. Now Luna is sleeping at my feet, which she has been doing a lot lately.

I kind of want to just snap and go crazy and wind upin a mental hospital. But don't we all?

 

For Jkitty.

Yes, I was avoiding you, and it's because even though I consider myself strong, I cannot force myself to face you. I can't do it. I tried. I can't just be friends with benefits. I love you, but I can't have you. You are so wonderful, and so special to me. The thought of hearing your voice is torture. And not the good kind.
Even though we spent just a little time together, it was so intense, and unique in a way I can't explain. I don't want to hurt you any more than I have. If you called and I heard you, I would break down and go away. I don't know who would replace me, but for a few days everyone would be confused.
I'm more sorry for this than I have been for anything else. Damn that jealous man. And Damn me too for thinking he could handle anything other than a fuck buddy. Give me some time and maybe I'll find the balls to talk to you again. Only if you want me to, though.

As for why I made the blog private for a few days, it was because some nosy people in my family saw the blog and didn't actually ask me about it but went straight to my father and asked if I needed psychiatric help. Honestly, people. Get your facts first hand, like you always tell me to.

Eh.

Kibbin has a friend over and they are playing WoW - World of Warcraft. He's kind of obsessed.

Last Friday My FIL found out that I was hiding Luna up in my room. Luckily his girlfriend M was there and she actually persuaded him to let me keep her!! I now have a kitten of my very own. To love for the rest of her life.

Wish I could quit my job. There's too much tension between me and A. An asshole that works there. He is such a prick. If I were to let my crazy side out, he would be the first or second on my list of people to kill horribly and slowly.

Stressed

Well I'm thinking of quitting my job. There is a total asshole there that makes me want to go crazy and kill everything I see.

Kibbin is uncomfortable with Jkitty.

Chubby is leaving soon.

Don't have any money for food or bills.

Wasted $1300 given as a loan, now have to pay that back plus a credit card. I blame Kibbin.

Can't wear my new red hair to work.
Think I'm going to be fired.

Meh.

I didn't post this week yet because things have been hectic. Sunday I did go shopping with Mommy and JJ and we bought hair bleach and interesting hair colors to go with it. Like purple and red. It was fun.
Monday I had a date with Jkitty, and I think Mondays will be our thing. I hope so. My mind has been out of sync lately. She seems to want all of me right now! I can't do that. I have trust issues. Since I have bipolar disorder, I must confess. Every single time Jkitty has seen, emailed, or talked to me, I have been on a "high". I'm just now switching to one of my "low" periods, and it was right after I told her I loved her. Fuck. I just hope this doesn't ruin everything. As a warning, the next week to month time period will consist of my emotions dipping to irritability, anger, pulling away from those I care about, angst, anxiety, silence, reservation, sadness, apathy, and possibly suicidal tendencies. I take medication for this, but it only helps take the edge off.

My mind is strong. My will is extremely powerful. But I cannot overcome my lows every time they happen.

Tuesday I crashed mostly. Went to KFC, finally watched Twilight and New Moon with Kibbin.

Today I woke up around 9:30, a very rare occurrence in the life of the Kitty. When I wake up before noon, I get nauseous. Then a sharp pain hits my stomach. If I wait 15-20 minutes, it goes away. I can't eat or drink anything though, if I do it gets worse and doesn't go away until evening.

Chubs found a home with A. She is Dinah's human.

Kind of feeling alone and sad and angry. And there is nothing anyone can do to change it.

Bricked

Lately someone has been really pissing me off. Someone has been egging the house all summer, putting fireworks on Kibbin's car, and otherwise vandalizing the property. Well now they "bricked" the router for our wireless Internet. It's a kind of virus specifically for routers. Meaning the only computer that gets our Internet is the desktop. They even changed the network to "LOL try now fuckers" just to insult me.

I wish I could get this person, face to face. I'd fuck them up soooooooo bad. They are just being a pussy and a coward, and I am fed up. I don't care if it's a 6'9, 450 lb man named "Bubba". I will smoke this person, sooner or later they will feel my wrath.

Other than that, I had an okay day. Mommy begins her chemotherapy on Monday, so Sunday will be the last time for a while that she will be able to move around without too much pain. So JJ, Mommy and me will go shopping at Ridgedale mall for hair bleach and clothes.

I'm going to bleach streaks in my hair. Then dye them funky colors. Like fuchsia.

Kitty, party of 3? Anyone? No? Okay, how bout Kitty, party of 30?

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Caleni

Let me introduce Caleni, Cal for short.

If she had her way I would have ear-length straight blond hair with blue bangs, and dress in black hoodie sweatshirts and baggy jeans, and dress up in full goth-princess. She is 16. This is the only picture I have of her. In full makeup of course.

She is the shy, introspective one. Cal is deep, and quiet. She is the artist. I cannot stress this enough. Any art that I do, is her. Painting, drawing, sculpture, jewelry making, poetry. The only thing she doesn't do is write. That's all me. When she does come out of her shell, she is not the best at communicating. She doesn't have time for idle conversation. Cal is sweet, and gentle unless she is making art. The word to use when she is in the middle of a project is intense. She gets very focused, and will forget to eat or sleep until her project is done. Cal is pretty morbid and depressed, and her style is retro-Gothic.

She is suicidal and I have the scars to prove it.

Bad Moods

Kibbin was in a bad mood all day today. Normally he is easy-going and I can coerce him into doing pretty much anything. Today he was a total dick to me. I asked him to help me clean, and he flat-out cold cocked me verbally. Just now as I was typing, I covered the screen and he raised his voice at me and said he didn't care what I was writing. I hide it very well, but it is a BIG deal when he raises his voice. He hardly ever does, so it means he's really pissed off. Part of me jumps at the chance to fight with him because he's so laid back we argue once in a blue moon, but mostly I withdraw into myself and cry inside. I'm very fragile when it comes to him.
I don't like that husband. I like the sweet loving man I married. I mean I told him to grow a backbone, but not to me!

I talked with Jkitty for a long time on the phone. I think it's funny how the more she tells me, the more she thinks I will run. I'm not going to run. I even got to say hi to K. ^-^

I cleaned up my room again but there is a huge pile of clean laundry next to the bed. Cleaned the litter box, vacuumed, and sprayed fabric disinfectant on the carpets, chairs, and the bed.

Laundry

Today was pretty rough on me. I woke up around 7 again, and mind you with my insomnia it takes me about 3 hours to get to sleep. I usually fall asleep around 3-4 in the morning.

So with that said, I ran errands. Went to the bank to sort out some debt, and went to Target to buy groceries. Spent 80-ish dollars on trivial things like food. Then Kibbin had to go to school so he dropped me off at Mommy's house so I could play with my cats, Simmy and Pippin. Oh, and also to play with my sister, JJ.

Simmy is a large Maine Coon tabby cat. She's 7. She is my sweet little baby kitty and I hate that I can't have her at my house. Pippin is a tuxedo kitty, 2 and 1/2, and he is a big baby, in the bad way. He is needy and my Dad hates him.

I waxed my eyebrows with JJ and accidentally made hers a little too short. Then Mommy told me about her treatment. She will have to have Chemotherapy again. This is a blow to the whole family. My mother is the purest, sweetest person I know. She survived breast cancer. Everyone who has met my mother loves her. The community loves her so much, they organized a meal-delivery for my family. Once every three days, someone brings the family dinner, so Mommy doesn't have to cook. She has 4 prayer shawls, and the top of the entertainment center is just covered in get-well cards. They send cash, gift cards, LOTS of food, and anything else they can think of. But even with all the support, it's up to my mother to battle her illness. If she is still too weak from her last bout of cancer 5 years ago, she might not make it. My sister is only 13, she can't live without her mommy. I don't want her to die yet, she can't. I still need her. It's not fair that she has to do this twice! TWICE! I wish I could murder her doctors slowly for letting her "slip through the crack", as they so charmingly put it. Bastards. Fucking retarded morons. I can't stand the fact that they make a little excuse and are not punished severly for it. Let's give them cancer and see if they "slip through the crack".
Anyway, I was supposed to go shopping with Mommy and JJ for some new clothes, but she's bleeding and the doctors told her to stay off her feet until it stops.
So I came home, talked with my girlfriend, and did laundry. In the past 48 hours I have done 10 loads of laundry. For two people. Ha!

Here's Simmy:

Dates

I didn't start this blog until after my first date with Jkitty. It is my intention not to write about the past as much as I can help it, unless it's necessary to the idea I"m trying to explain.

However!

We had our second date yesterday. I woke up around 7 in the morning and couldn't sleep anymore because I was so excited (and the kittens were wrestling on my feet.) I primped and then I waited. When Kibbin came home from work I warned him that he would need to make himself scarce. He is kind of weirded out by how secretive Jkitty is around him. He wants to be friends and can't understand why she won't be open with him. I understand, though.

I must admit the idea of me being poly is kind of odd. A good odd, though. I like girls.

When she finally arrived I was so happy to see her I got shy. I seem to do that a lot around her. We went up to my room, which was a little too intimate for me because I equate the bedroom with being naked, sleeping, and sex. None of which I was planning on doing with her that day.

So after kissing a little and almost going further, I caught myself and suggested we go downstairs. We made a rice dinner with cucumbers, and then we talked about some pretty deep things. She was so brave to tell me all she did. Every time I see her, I get a new feeling. This time it was a fierce desire to protect her, kind of like a mother wildcat with her kit. As long as I can do something about it, I will make sure she is safe. It's so strange, I feel like I would take a bullet for her.

After that some things caught up with her and I had a worried moment. That is unpleasant.

Then we cuddled a little on the couch and tried to watch a movie. I liked the way she fit snugly in to my body.

It was hard to say goodbye that night.